


How to Train Your Goliath

by FlawedVictori



Series: Tumblr Prompts [5]
Category: RWBY
Genre: Crack, Gen, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-04
Updated: 2015-09-04
Packaged: 2018-04-19 00:13:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4725515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlawedVictori/pseuds/FlawedVictori
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stupid, Crack, OOC… not worth anyone’s time and I’m angry I wrote it.</p><p>"Ruby waited quietly on watch until she heard Doctor Oobleck’s breathing even out, then set off towards the woods."</p>
            </blockquote>





	How to Train Your Goliath

Ruby waited quietly on watch until she heard Doctor Oobleck’s breathing even out, then set off towards the woods.

She was gonna ride a fuckin goliath.

/

The goliath trudged through woods it’d known since the day of it’s birth, feeling confident in it’s abilities.

He was the alpha of his tribe, the eldest and strongest. For nearly five hundred years it has walked these woods, watching the-

A rock bounced off it’s head.

“Yo!”

It leaned down towards the little blur of red and black, and let it’s breath rumble out, visibly shaking the trees in the area. The human was going to learn it’s pla-

Another rock bounced off it’s head. “Hey! Talkin to you!” The human disappeared, and a voice spoke up from behind his ear.

“Hey there. I’m your master now, okay?”

He threw his head back, letting out a chortle when her weight was banished from his back… until she grabbed onto his ear and squealed.

“No! Bad goliath!” Water hit him in the face, and he trumpeted in rage.

More water hit him. “Yeah, that’s right! I borrowed Yang’s spray bottle! Suck it!”

He sighed and let his trunk droop, deciding that there really was no arguing with a human.

/

They were walking towards camp when the ground gave out from under them, Ruby screaming all the while as the goliath did a fuckin rad 360.

/

 

“Hey, uh… boss?” The masked man stopped dead, staring at the man in front of him.

Roman Torchwick, huntsman-level fighter, criminal extraordinaire, certified badass… was applying his mascara.

Well, everyone has their own aesthetic, he supposed.

Roman turned to him. “What? You know, Leblanc, I’m busy here, it’s not all robberies and blowing shit up, thats just the fun part. You know Cinder makes me fill out TPS reports? And spreadsheets. All the fucking spreadsheets. You know how hard it is to find one of you terrorists who knows how to work a computer? And, honestly… look, don’t just sit there and stare, asshole. I don’t swing your way” He shrugged. “Today.”

“Right… Well, there’s this little girl in the base-”

“Little girl? Oh, you idiots had better hope it’s not Neo again because she’ll kick all our-”

The wall burst inward, a goliath bellowing as it… strolled casually through the wreckage.

“Yo.” Red waved, looking down at them from her position atop the grimm.

Roman sighed, putting his hands out in front of him. “I’m not beating a goliath. You got any handcuffs, Red?”

“I have some in my room.”

Roman sighed again. “Dammit, Leblanc.”

“Ruined the whole mood.” Red agreed.

The goliath grunted in agreement.

/

And ergo Cinder’s plan was ruined, Ruby saved the day, and Professor Port started to hero-worship Ruby.


End file.
